The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide. She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane. After standing there for almost 10 seconds the pastor finally blurted out, “…and I can’t remember who she was!”. “REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!”. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. What changed your mind?”, Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”, With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”, Murphy slowly shook his head. The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it. '. He said, “Not really – I think I’m gonna have a wife.”. Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Here are nearly 80 Inspiring Christian stories and over 40 other inspirational stories that you can share with your friends through emails, Facebook, or other social media. After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. “Why do you ask?”, “Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, ’cause there’s someone either comin’ or goin’!”, It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Well sometimes what He provides is the ability to smile in the face of everything… knowing He is going to do what we cannot. Once when we were taking a large financial gift to a mission house in a poor neighborhood of a very dangerous country, we were confronted by a man with a gun and he told us to "give him the money"… He grabbed the bag but I wouldn't let go. A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely. So, I was going to leave after, Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that, I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”, With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; “After I talked about, ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”, Murphy slowly shook his head. A cheating painting contractor had been skimping by thinning his paint excessively. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do. Some clever and A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it's a bad one. Wonderful Amusing Words. The bad news is that the roof needs repairing. Pastor Dave Charlton tells us: “After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. “And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan. The man hemmed and hawed then finally lowered his gun and said, "your right… I can't steal from God!" The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. Spread a little joy by sharing something fun with your friends. It has literally saved our lives on a number of occasions. His son asked, "What happened to the flea?" As the old missionary to China said when asked what was the greatest nessesity of a missionary… He Said… "The Ability To Laugh When You Feel Like Crying." About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, ‘If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and he will have to start his sermon all over again!’  It worked.”. Moses was once a basket case! “Pastor,” Johnny says, “I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed between the pages. “God opened up Adam’s side, took a rib from him, and created Eve from it,” was what really struck Johnny. But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! You know the old saying… "With Every Need God Will Supply". He was almost done when a major storm blew up. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday! “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’, Tarra & Bella: The Elephant and Dog Who Became Best Friends, Ain’t No Horse or Mountain High Enough – True, A Tribute to Charles M. Schulz (1922 – 2000), Wounded Vets take train to the Army-Navy Game, Greatest Headline in the History of Sports Journalism, Kirk Gibson’s pinch-hit HR wins World Series game, Carl Joseph – An Inspirational Sports Story for the Ages, One-legged wrestler ends career with national title, perfect season, A Lesson in Faith – The Charles Blondin Story. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”. Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Well life and the word teach us that it is, Click Here To Return To The Home Page Title: Vote your favorite stories to the top. One little girl was scribbling so intently that the teacher asked what she was drawing. amusing thoughts on being a Christian, Good Jokes and Funny Short Stories and Tales. Under same management for over 2,000 years. He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.' Little Johnny went to Sunday school one Sunday. “Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired. Later, that afternoon, Johnny started feeing sick, and his side began to hurt. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. Amusing and Good Humoured Religious Jokes. These are motivational stories that are family friendly. Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, 'You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church. Great Peace Have They That Love Thy Law & Nothing Shall Offend Them Ps 119:165. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Tithe if you love Jesus! We had a substitute preacher preaching at our church and he told this story. “Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone. It was beyond all natural reason and it was the greatest witness to those that had come crying for blood. He said, when he was younger, he thought that the doxology went: “Praise God from whom all blessings go, Praise him all preachers here we go (instead of creatures here below), then praise him above the heavenly host, praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.” He said he thought that because, when everyone sang that, often the preacher leaves the pulpit and walks out! The Ability To Heave That Sigh Of Relief & Know That God Is In Control & He Is Going To Take Care Of You Somehow… No Matter What! Many of them were received in email forwards, and I have collected the best to share with you. Immediately he turned and went outside to look and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. “That’s right, Johnny, I did,” he says. Story Editor February 27, 2010 Animals, Christianity, Dialogue, Elderly, Humor, Jokes, Lessons, Life Leave a comment 9,870 Views. As the years have gone by and we have been through some pretty difficult and dangerous situations… we have remembered that thought and taken a deep breath and smiled. Amid the thunder and lightening, there came a loud voice… “REPAINT,” it boomed. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!” The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. Pancakes: 7 After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will. A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands. It washed all the paint off. About a week later one of the assistant ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in what was his first sermon to the congregation. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. The guy threatened…. Melissa Mason Ortega: Beautiful. Johnny’s Dust. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt." I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave, it in the back of church. ", How could they do that??? “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left me hat.”, Reverend to his congregation: “We have good news and bad news. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. These Pages Below Were Built To Give You A Belly Bumping Break From The Pressures & Worries Of Life! The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. History of … hilarious Christian Jokes that I compiled Drawing a picture of Jesus A kindergarten teacher was walking around her classroom while her students drew pictures.