When I was asked to return for another installment of the Fad Diet Diaries, I thought about my previous experiences in the way I’m assuming mothers think about past pregnancies: a little nostalgic and blissfully remiss about the suffering that I’d incurred because time has a funny away of glossing over severe trauma.
But it wasn’t until this moment that I realized the phantom cramp never returned, so just kidding I’m back to being untouchable.
We'll send you an email once a week with only the best stuff we put out.
One pint Oatmeal Cookie I would, however, recommend Halo Top in moderation, because I bet it’s a delicious treat which could be better enjoyed in less than whole pint increments. I was just barely able to drag my lifeless body to one Barre3 class, where I told them I’d just recovered from a two week long bout of the flu so that my reputation wouldn’t be ruined by my performance. On the first day of this venture, I sat in a office-wide meeting, smack dab in the middle of the eye line of a man who had been asked to come in and talk about his illustrious career and instead got to sit and make eye contact for 30 full minutes with a girl who was shamelessly elbow deep in a pint of ice cream at 9am in the morning. Why doesn’t she seem to feel any remorse? As I walked through campus, half a dozen people stopped me to ask about the diet.
If I managed four pints a day, that would mean I would be in the range of 1,120 calories and 80 grams of protein a day. Not because I wanted to live out some far-fetched childhood dream of eating ice cream for every meal or because I was inordinately passionate about sweets, but because it sounded fucking ridiculous. From that point onward I was a broken woman. There are between 240 and 360 calories per pint of Halo Top, whereas premium ice creams, like Ben & Jerry's, have that many … Total calories consumed: 660 Also up until this point, I was confident. I don’t know if it was the great Dairy Attack of the day before or if I had just finally hit my breaking point, but I couldn’t seem to force myself to my regular 3.5 pints. Sure, I wasn’t completely satisfied with my diet, but it still had a sense of novelty to it. Für die Herstellung unserer Halo Top® - Eiscreme mit hohem Proteingehalt nutzen wir nur die besten Inhaltsstoffe, damit sie genau wie normale Eiscreme schmeckt. Were I not 100% sure that my appendix had been removed just a year before, I would have been sure that it had burst all over again. Ice cream and nothing else? Total protein consumed: 64 grams. Halo Top has the same amount of protein a protein bar, with about 24 grams per pint. In fact, I wouldn’t be able to hit that mark again before the diet ended.
While not necessarily a fad diet, I was sold.
Catch up on part one of the Halo Top Diaries here! Total protein consumed: 70 grams. It took a minute for the implication to set in that my beloved dairy had somehow betrayed me but once it did, everything changed. For the rest of you, it’s become clear that there are no limits to what I’ll put myself through in the name of what I consider “journalistic endeavors” and what others have referred to as “a wasted college degree,” so feel free to submit ideas for the next installment.
However, while I may have lamented this diet and spent many long afternoons dreaming of quesadillas, I couldn’t deny that the Halo Top tasted good.
Last, but certainly not least, I learned that it only takes 3.5 consecutive pints of ice cream to start hallucinating dead horses in the middle of the sidewalk that are, in fact, just sleeping dogs. If you’re looking to lose a significant amount of weight in a short period of time, this may be the diet for you. Total calories consumed: 1,020
The premise alone was so funny that I immediately reached out to Halo Top, asking them for a generous donation to supply my experiment without taking a minute to think about the ramifications or even the logistics of eating nothing but ice cream for an extended period of time. I knew that I would be mad. I also thought I knew the limits to which my body could go. This guy Shane ate nothing but five pints of Halo Top a day for 10 days straight. In fact, it tastes really, really, good, which makes it a dream come true for people who want to stay in shape but actually enjoy life once in a while. In the past, I’ve either lived at home or worked at places that didn’t foster the kind of office camaraderie that would let me divulge this weird-ass habit. While I was horrified in the moment, this is laughable now. So with rose-tinted memories and a new bathing suit that I needed to lose about two pounds to comfortably fit into, I agreed to attempt another fad diet in the hopes that people would read about it, laugh, and then never follow in my footsteps.
Half pint Cookie Dough Still probably the better scenario, tbh.
I bounced between classes, meetings, and trips back to my dorm room to grab ice cream from my freezer. In fact, it tastes really, really, good, which makes it a dream come true for people who want to stay in shape but actually enjoy life once in a while. You’ll likely make eye contact with people you’ve never met before but who you will certainly never forget, because the awe/horror/pity/fear in their eyes as you polish off a pint of Birthday Cake ice cream in a beer garden is the kind of thing that sticks with a person. On top of an insane amount of water, I allowed myself coffee and alcohol because there needed to be some motivation to keep living. I’ll include the recipe for anyone who wants to try it out at home.
Wild, right? I love salt.
(Spoiler alert: I did that and more). One pint Salted Caramel Step Two: Cry. If being able to continue your workout regimen like normal on a diet of high protein ice cream is what it takes to work at GQ, it looks like I’m never going to make it. Überzeuge dich selbst! Hats off to Shane, who somehow managed to do more than sleep and yell at people while undergoing this experience. It was the day that my body turned on me.
I’d wake up and imagine heading out to brunch before being hit with the brutal reality of a pint of Vanilla Bean ice cream. I wasn’t. Despite it all, I do need to recognize that there were some perks here. Not something I’m proud of, but also not the last time it would happen. In the Halo Top diet, I had finally met my match. Total protein consumed: 74 grams. This is going to be incredible, I thought as I giddily spooned the ice cream into a cup. This last day was a victory lap. My co-workers were more excited than I was, not that there was a high bar for that. I was at a BBQ surrounded by friends and knew the people who had cooked the skewers, but that didn’t seem to make me feel any better. I didn’t starve for seven straight days like I expected, which I’m assuming had something to do with the excessive amount of protein I was eating. One pint Birthday Cake In hindsight, the fact that I was already struggling to meet any kind of health standard on the first day should have foreshadowed how the rest of the diet would go. To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select 'I agree', or select 'Manage settings' for more information and to manage your choices. It may have taken me two years to recover from the debacle that was the Cabbage Soup Diet, but I only came back stronger, more stubborn, and single-mindedly dedicated to destroying my body by any means necessary. Halo Top is something where people can eat the whole pint, or a lot more than a quarter of a cup of ice cream.
Sure, it didn’t kill me, but it was definitely my last attempt at fitness that week. In a half-hearted attempt at being festive, I made a float out of the Vanilla Bean ice cream and some Marionberry cider. One and a half pints into Day Four, I experienced a stomach cramp that I can only describe as cataclysmic. Half pint Pistachio In one of my weaker moments, I ended day two by asking one of my roommates to eat Cheetos so I could watch. I had to reassure the dentist that I wasn’t dying when she counted my exceptionally low blood pressure, which lead to a conversation about why I thought it was a good idea to eat ice cream for seven days straight before my first dental appointment in years. One Pint Mocha Chip Isn’t that going to hurt your stomach?”. This entire saga is my formal apology to him. Guess what? Days Three-Five: Complete mania. No matter how angry I was in the moment, I always recognized that it could have (and absolutely has) been worse because, bottom line, this shit was delicious. In return, I gained the begrudging respect of my peers and a newfound sense of entitlement this Aquarius both didn’t need and didn’t even know was possible.
Can you imagine having to explain that to people? Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address, Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps. The Keto series has anywhere … One pint Oatmeal Cookie
Thanks to some handy advice, I learned that Halo Top is at its best when left out to thaw a bit. It was like I had a small, supportive, highly concerned village around me at all times, which was equal parts comforting and nerve-wracking.
One thing I knew for certain: There was no way in hell I was eating five pints of ice cream a day. I probably should have asked a doctor what kind of havoc over-indexing on protein and depleting my daily calories would have on my body, but instead I decided to see if I was still capable of exercising like normal. Created by a small L.A. creamery, Halo Top is marketed as a “healthy ice cream.” And to the untrained eye, it seems like something of a miracle. Total protein consumed: 45 grams. Total calories consumed: 800 One pint Mint Chip
Up until this point, the first couple seconds of the morning were a time of naive bliss before I remembered what I had signed myself up for.